Hong
Kong has so much to offer the intrepid traveller but if markets and
trams are not your kind of thing then read on soldier. We’re going to
guide you on a no expenses paid trip through an alternate Hong Kong. Sure
you could follow the advice of the many guide books on Hong Kong and
make a bee-line for Ladies Market or Victoria Peak and enjoy the slow the
death of your soul. Alternatively, you could devote a few hours of your
holiday to going shopping.
I’m
not talking about looking at rancid concept clothing in Chanel or Prada
that looks like it was designed by a blind monkey on acid, I’m talking
about arming yourself with your camera and shop-spotting all those
fantastically humorous shop fronts and signage that you just know will
inject a cheap giggle or two into your slideshows when you get back
home.
The
beauty of Hong Kong is that there is pinyin (romanized Chinese sounds)
signage all over the place that many locals are blissfully unaware
carries a certain alternate meaning to speakers of the English language.
For example, this little number lies
tucked away adjacent to Temple Street in Jordan…
 |
| Yeah tower! Go fu*k yourself! |
For
those of you from Scotland in particular, this world of fun is
amplified by the Scottish tendency to utilise the 'ie' word ending when
immortalising yet more wonderful slang usages. Hence these little
numbers should inspire momentary snorts of pleasure from your buddies.
 |
| Wanky and Manky, incidentally one of these is a popular girls name in Hong Kong. Can you guess which one? |
Of
course, it's not just in the pinyin that one can find rich pickings as a shop-spotter. Sometimes, the commendable effort that goes into
translating the name of your shop for the Anglicised among us can lead
to people buying their vegetables from the (in)appropriately named:
 |
| If you're gonna be a hero, might as well be a... |
Or if you require the services of the criminally volatile and fairly dangerous, why not employ the delightfully named:
 |
| Your job done, or we'll fuckin' kill ya! |
And
if all else fails, why not just go for all out shamelessness and use
the most popular name you know and use it to front up your business
empire.
 |
| 25% of Americans would assume his language is "Mawslem" |
But
alas, spotting should not be confined to mere shop signs. If
all else fails, be mindful that street names here might possibly contain
any combination of the following: man, fuk, kok, suk, dong, wang, long,
dong, hung, sik, dik. If you're in the right place at the right time,
you may even spot a gem like this:
 |
| The one true path... |
And
if all else fails, you can always rely on the delightfully
inappropriate brand likely to grace any reputable (ahem) mall in Hong
Kong. The brilliantly Japanenglish - WANKO!
Incidentally,
if you type "Wanko shop" into Google whilst sharing these
distasteful nuggets with your pals, you'll get the blurb saying "Wanko
in Japan, wanko in USA, wanko in Canada, wanko in Australia, wanko in
UK" - at least one of which you're sure to have done and you can chucle over that and perhaps reminisce.
And if all else fails, look out for these little numbers in Yau Ma Tei where apparently one can 'enjoy' a free preview of their chosen ethnicity.
 |
| $280HKD for a Chinese but you'll be starving in about twenty minutes... |
Where: All over Hong Kong - keep your eyes peeled...
Cost: Potentially free. $880HKD if you get a little carried away in Yau Ma Tei (p.s. not advised)
When: All year round.
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